Yesterday evening I went to my midwife appointment. Although it was nice to be able to get out of the house by myself, I was quickly wishing I had Jon there with me. In addition to the concern about my blood pressure (that’s been high for awhile now), I learned that the ultrasound we had at about 18 or 19 weeks along, showed that the placenta was very low behind the cervix. The hope is that it has moved as it’s grown… the only way of knowing is with another ultrasound. This time I get to go to the Maternal Fetal Medicine of a nearby hospital to get a $1200 (or so) ultrasound. Youch. And, of course, worst case scenario is that it has not moved, is still blocking the cervix, and I will have to have a cesarean because such a thing would potentially cause hemorrhage and, most likely, death. How warm and fuzzy, eh? And, honestly, I know very little about placenta previa because I always kinda skipped that part in the pregnancy books because, well, it just didn’t apply to me. Ha!!
And, on top of everything, since after our weekend trip I got back off my meds again, she doesn’t want me to start back on them. She’s concerned about suicide risk – trust me, my meds are truly what keep me SANE!! I’m already starting to have the voice in my head that wants me to do nothing but worry and fret ALL THE FREAKIN’ TIME!! – and the risk of respiratory issues in baby. Grrrrr.
I just kinda feel like I can’t win for losing, yanno? Pardon my French here but this fucking sucks!!!!