Updating on our week from hell

This Friday (9, March 2012) we will bury our son, Elias. We miss him so much.

I had such great plans for him. I was so sure he would grow up and do great things, touch many lives. I had no idea that it would be this way.

People have been wonderful. So many have brought food and things, including things for Ceili Fey’s birthday, which was Tuesday. Some people have even donated money. I am so grateful to them all. Even as much as this hurts, as painful as this is, and as devastated as I am, all of the support we have received has really renewed my faith in humanity.

Today family came over and brought supper. It was so hard to look at their son, just a few months younger than Elias, knowing that Elias should have been here, playing with his cousin. They always played so well together.

I learned earlier today that the coroner got some of the cultures back. Elias tested positive for RSV. Due to this, there was concern about the tests done Monday. The kids went back and had them redone this afternoon.

Here is what our week looked/looks like:

  • Monday: get all surviving children swabbed for RSV; go to accountant’s office because business taxes are due earlier than personal; go to mortuary and make arrangements, including casket
  • Tuesday: go to cemetery and pick out a burial plot
  • Wednesday: take Elias’ clothes to the mortuary; get children swabbed for RSV; pick out music for visitation 
  • Thursday: burn a CD with music to play at the visitation on Friday
  • Friday: be at mortuary at 11; visitation from 12:00 – 2:00; funeral at 2:00; come home; greet everyone coming back with us; after they go home, curl up in a ball and cry 

Here’s the music I have picked out. Hopefully it’s not too offensive.
In alphabetical order:
Enya – “A Day Without Rain” (instrumental)
Five for Fighting – “All I Know”
Sarah McLachlan – “Angel”
Alison Krauss – “Baby Mine”
The Williams Brothers – “Can’t Cry Hard Enough”
Celine Dion – “Fly”
Meat Loaf – “Forever Young”
The Dixie Chicks – “Godspeed (Sweet Dreams)” 
Jeff Buckley – “Hallelujah”
Anastacia – “How Come the World Won’t Stop”
Eva Cassidy – “I Know You By Heart”
Chris Cornell – “I Promise It’s Not Goodbye”
Sarah McLachlan – “I Will Remember You”
Enya – “If I Could Be Where You Are”
The Beatles – “In My Life”
Billy Joel – “Lullabye (Goodnight My Angel)”
The Muppets – “Mah Na Mah Na”
Metallica – “Nothing Else Matters”
Apocalyptica – “Nothing Else Matters” (instrumental)
Diamond Rio – “One More Day”
James Blunt – “Tears and Rain”
Eric Clapton – “Tears in Heaven”
Faith Hill – “There You’ll Be”
Josh Groban – “To Where You Are”
Enya – “Trains and Winter Rains”
Randy Newman – “We Belong Together”
Kenny Chesney – “Who You’d Be Today”
Randy Newman – “You’ve Got a Friend in Me”

Here are the obits:

29 thoughts on “Updating on our week from hell”

  1. I have just learned of your loss and my heart goes out to you and your family. I cannot imagine going through your day as you have listed it here. I applaud your strength is posting about what your family is experiencing. My prayers are with you and I am available to help with whatever you may need that I can provide. God Bless You.

  2. There are no words to say . . . I certainly can't find any. I'm just so sorry, and my heart aches for you. Even though we've never met, please know that another someone, somewhere, is thinking of you and your family and holding your heart. I will be thinking of you tomorrow and sending you love and healing energy as you do the most difficult of things no mother should ever have to do. Peace to you and your family, and my healing touch your heart somehow.

  3. I've been thinking about and praying for your family all week. Elias IS doing great things. He's teaching us all just how fragile life is and to not take one moment for granted. Even though I don't know you, I would gladly bare some of your pain, if I could. From one mother to another, I am so trully sorry for your loss. ((Hugs))

  4. Amanda, I have been thinking of you and your family all week this week and I hope that you know that all of your friends at TMN are here for you and are thinking and praying for you all.

  5. I too have a baby Elias. He is five months old, and both times I have visited your blog he's been asleep and I've had to go check to make sure he's still breathing. I don't know what to say other than I'm so sorry, and I'll squeeze my Elias extra tight because you're not able to squeeze yours.

  6. Amanda, I have a three year old as well and I am absolutely heartbroken for you. I am so sorry about Elias. He is a beautiful boy. I'm praying for all of you here in Toronto, Canada.Kate

  7. Have been in prayer for you all week. Although I havent birthed then lost a child I have had two miscarriages and feel the loss of those children often. I read this post and started crying at what might have been as all three of mine (the youngest was 3 months at the time) had RSV last spring. My heart goes out to you and will be praying for you in the coming times.

  8. Words cannot even begin to express how sorry I am for your loss. The music you picked out is beautiful. I will be keeping you and your family in my thoughts. I'm just so very sorry.

  9. I am so incredibly sorry for your loss, it is something no parent should ever go through. You and your family will be in my prayers. <3 hugs and love

  10. I am so sorry for everything your family is going through. When I was just 5 I lost my little brother in an accident. He was just 15 months old. Oh, how I loved him! I'd change his diapers and carry him around the house. I remember missing him so badly I'd cry myself to sleep at night. The most important thing that helped me deal with my brother's death was my mother's constant reassurance that my brother was with our Father in Heaven and that we'd all be together again as a family some day. I felt my mother had faith and that reassured me.I cannot imagine the pain I'd feel at losing one of my boys. I hope you'll cling to the hope of seeing your Elias again one day. It is important to hope.

  11. From one mother to another, I am so sorry for your heart breaking loss. Please know that many of us have you in our thoughts. May the strength and love of your other children help ease your pain and keep you sane.Kidlit

  12. Just can't stop thinking about you since last night. I wanted you to know that I did share your link on my FB page and the overwhelming response that all my friends and family send to you and yours.When one of our fellow bloggers is hurt, we ALL hurt. May God Bless You and Yours.

  13. I am SO sorry about the loss your family has endured. I know there are no words to take that pain away.. but you and your family are in my heart and thoughts. You are so strong for being able to (for lack of a better word) function and do what you need to do. I wish your family the best in the coming weeks, months and years. Good luck and bless you. Much love. xo

  14. You don't know me, but my heart breaks as I read your blog. I am very sorry for what you and your family is going through. I don't know why this happen to you but please bear in mind that God would not have given you test if He didn't know you can't handle it. I don't even know what that means, I hear that all the time but I do know that I will not be able to handle what you are going through. I pray that you and your family will have peace. I pray that your son's memories will comfort you. I pray that one day, you will feel better and the hurt and sadness will go away. It will probably won't but I wish with all my heart that it will for you.

  15. Dear Amanda, We have never met but I just wanted you to know that my heart is hurting for you. I will pray that God will give you and your family strength and courage to face this day and every other as you heal. Sometimes words are not enough, but know that you have love and comfort coming from so many. You are in my heart and prayers.Sincerely,Brenda

  16. I saw this posted on another blogs facebook today. I am so sorry to hear of your loss. As a parent my heart is aching for you right now and will be thinking of you and your family. I have a three year as well and a nine year old nd cannot imagine what you are going through.

  17. Praying for your family during this difficult time. While I do not know the pain you're experiencing, I have had 4 miscarriages myself. This cannot compare to losing a child you held and loved. My heart is breaking for you right now. I am so incredibly sorry for your loss. Sending love, warm thoughts, and prayers your way.

  18. Hi Amanda, sending big hugs and love to you and your family. I wanted to tell you what an amazing person you are, wonderful mother. The pictures of your son you shared with all of us were truly beautiful and thank you for sharing them. Everyone is supporting you no matter whether we know you or not b/c as mothers we can feel your pain. Your week is busy, wow! Stay strong, cry when you need, take time for yourself and keep writing! We wil be here to listen. Love and God Bless from our family to yours – The Shaws Canada

  19. As a mom of a 3 year old my heart just breaks for you. I am so sorry that you and your family have to experience this. It isn't fair that someone so young had to go. I have thought about you a lot this past week after I read your original blog post. Prayers have been sent for you and your beautiful son.

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