Things lately

Things haven’t exactly been going swimmingly as of late. I don’t have my meds and while we can get one at Target for pretty cheap ($9 or something) we just can’t afford to pay over $200 a month for the other! So, I’m hanging on as best I can but things sort of keep cycling. Everything will go okay (at least I think so) for awhile and then something will just set me off and I can feel the anger start to boil but there’s really nothing I can do about it until I just explode. Jon and I have had some pretty bad (verbal) altercations due to this. He’s supposed to take a day to get to the V.A. and see what sort of care we are eligible for with him being a Disabled Vet and all. So far, it hasn’t happened and I’m just hanging in there the best that I can. It’s not as though I have much choice.

I honestly thought he was ready to divorce me a few weeks ago. We got into it, he left and didn’t return ’til the next morning. I don’t think he got how much that killed me. We somewhat sorted things out the next day – that’s when I finally confessed that I didn’t have my meds and he decided he needed to get to the V.A. – but it’s still there. You can’t unring a bell, yanno?

I do appreciate his (mostly) unwavering support even through the worst, I just wish that walking out for any period of time was not an option for him. It’s pretty hard for me to deal with. I don’t like to be/feel abandoned.