Jon attended my therapy session yesterday… I didn’t initially feel that it went all that well. Apparently it did though because last night we finally talked.
I think he understands that when I was in labor last time, I wanted him right there with me, where he could touch me, and I him. There was a period of time where I was laboring in our garden tub and he was in our bedroom. That wasn’t good enough for me. I wanted him right there. I truly felt as though he had abandoned me, even though he was in the very next room. I don’t think he got that before. He also said he understands that I struggled with depression and that makes things hard for all involved. I also explained to him that, sometimes, at my low points, what I really need is just a hug or a pat on the back or something to let me know that he still cares.
He explained to me that he had felt pretty unloved and unwanted during my labors. He thought I was mean to him. I don’t recall that but I definitely hate that he felt that way. I am going to strive to make this time better.
In any case, I think we’ve come to a better understanding of one another, and of this next birth. I feel like we’re on the same page or at least very close. That’s really all I can ask.