Some thoughts on the prior days

Wow. A lot has happened in the last couple days. We figured out that I’m pregnant. This would certainly explain why I kept feeling a strange fluttery sensation – apparently between eight and nine weeks a baby in utero will start involuntary movement – as well as why it had been 38 days since my last period, and why that “period” was really light and barely there. It would seem that my April period was actually implantation bleeding. We’ve narrowed it down to April 9th as being the conception day making the EDD Dec 31st. Although since I always seem to go longer, I’m betting on the 6th or 7th.

It feels kind of surreal. It periodically sinks in that we’re going to have four children. Four!! I alternate between being excited and being scared to death. We barely have enough room for us in our house, how are we going to manage yet another kid?? We can’t hardly add on to the house! But then, I also am sort of excited. What will this bring? A girl or a boy? A full head of hair like Noah, or bald for the first 2-3 years like Ceili Fey and Elias?? Will this baby be bigger than Noah, who was the smallest of my three? Or will this one be the biggest yet? What will this baby look like?? I’m filled with wonder and fear, happiness and anxiety.

One thing is certain. I love Jon now more than ever. Not just because of a baby. We have weathered a lot, he and I. He has seen me at my worst and I, his. I love him for the children he has given me. I love him for the way he looks at me when we make love. I love him for his determination. I love him for his work ethic. I love him for the way he supports us and cares for us. Plainly put, I love him.

Edited to add: I am publishing this now (on the 6th) although it was originally written on the date shown.