So I had a couple of crazy dreams. Or maybe it was all one, not sure. In any case I gave birth to two babies, I’m not sure if we’re talking twins or two singletons though it seemed two different times. They were two and three pounds, respectively. Which, in this dream, was apparently totally normal. Yes, this from a woman who has birthed a child that was over 11 pounds!
The oddest thing was that one of them was born with their heart and lungs outside of their body. I’m talking not even touching. The midwife who I went to see somehow managed to get the lungs and heart back inside and baby was good as new. Yeah, I don’t know either.
I woke up shortly after.
Have fun interpreting that one. 😉
Today we should have been celebrating your ninth birthday. Instead we celebrated your birthday as we have for the past six of them, at your gravesite. It’s still so much not fair.
We all love and miss you, Bow.
I know that it’s been some time since I last posted anything. It’s hard, it really is. Between being so busy with life/work/home/family/everything-else, it’s easy to forget just how long it’s been since since posting last.
Henry turned six the last of January. He had his very first ever birthday party. This is a huge milestone as his Selective Mutism frequently makes things like this impossible. He still does not want to be sung to which doesn’t upset me any. I’ll let you in on a little secret: I HATE singing Happy Birthday or having it sung to me. HATE IT. I find it the most absurd tradition. I’ve never expressed it to my kids, but I’m so not upset by his decision to have everyone refrain.
On March 4, we hit the fifth anniversary of our son, Elias’, death. For some reason, this one was harder than the last couple have been. I don’t know why, well, maybe I do. I kind of wonder if it might not have something to do with Calvin turning four a few days afterward. There’s something about four… that age that Elias never reached. Well, that and others, but I think the fact that he died so close to his fourth birthday… that just weighs heavily on me. At least we’ve been able to get the other three boys to four – and beyond.
Also in March, Ceili Fey turned 14 which is incredibly hard to believe. It seems like she shouldn’t be just about to start high school.
It’s odd how, after a death like Elias’, time seems to go so slowly, yet so fast at the same time. I’m not sure how to explain it in any other terms. It may be something that is unique to the experience as I’m not sure that other “normal” people experience anything quite like it.
I should really try to post more frequently on here. I feel as though it’s been somewhat therapeutic in the past.
In any case, it’s now quitting time so I need to run. I just wanted to update you on the latest happenings in our lives. I promise I will try to do so more frequently.
Take care of yourselves, and each other.