On not sleeping

I truly hate this. For the past few weeks, I have been having a very difficult time getting to sleep. I lie down with the full intention – and desire – to sleep, but it remains quite elusive. Instead, I’m burdened with thoughts. Lots and lots of thoughts. They just keep coming, no sooner am I able to resolve one, then another one comes. And if there’s something I forgot to do that I should have, I will obsess on it. And I find weird things to obsess on as well. Lately I have this bizarre fear that someone will come into our house and kill us all. Yeah, I know! Where the FUCK does that come from??

I just can’t make the thoughts stop – I want a way to turn them off. I noticed them a bit more as the weather became warmer, but then I wound up being without my meds for a week or two and they got much worse. Luckily I got a few weeks worth of pills so I’m safe/sane for a little while now. LOL!

I just wish I could go to bed and turn off like I’m sure the rest of the world does. It’s so exhausting. Here it is nearing 1:00 am and I’m wide awake. I actually got out of bed because, rather than obsessing over something I forgot to do, I opted to get up and do it.

I really just want it to stop.

2 thoughts on “On not sleeping”

  1. I have the same problem lately. I'm tired when I go to bed, but when I lay down my brain just keeps going. Then I end up getting back up, because it makes me crazy to lay there.

  2. Mrs. E, thanks for reading. Don't you hate not being able to just go to sleep? What sorts of things do you wind up doing once you get back up?

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