Not a great week

I just got through the last 20 minutes of reliving March 4 over and over again in my head. It just came on suddenly and there was nothing I could do… finally I found something completely unrelated to get kind of angry about and that helped.

Will it ever stop?? Will I ever be able to control when I think about that day??

It seems like the further into this week we get, the harder things become.

It’s odd because Monday we had a fairly good day. Ceili Fey went back to school and Jon and I loaded up our remaining dudes and went train watching for the day. I mean, it really sucked doing something that Elias loved so much without him, but overall it was a good day. Noah had a great time and Henry didn’t seem to mind the trip. I think it helped Jon to do something, as well.

Tuesday wasn’t horrible; I was actually able to focus on things in the office. Granted, we weren’t in the office all day, we had some errands and things to take care of as well.

Wednesday wasn’t great. I was fairly sad.

Today Jon was out of the office most of the day so I was essentially alone. My mom did stop in for awhile. We had lunch together. I broke down a few times throughout the day today. Sometimes from something that was said, sometimes just because.

I can’t wait to see what tomorrow will bring.

2 thoughts on “Not a great week”

  1. Someone led me to your blog, and I couldn't help but comment. I wanted to send my love to you, because I understand. July of 2010, we lost our 18 mo old daughter in an accidental drowning. Hardest thing we've ever been through. I'm so so sorry. I know how much it hurts. All I can do is send my love, and many prayers your way.Love,Ashley

  2. Early days – one foot in front of the other and remember to breathe. Nearly 2 years later for me – but talking to others, I think it probaby never leaves you – you can get dragged back to that day and lunge into the pain of it. BUT as time passes, you will find you skim it – a 30 second lunge, not 20 minutes – and it won't happen every day – and then eventually it won't happen every week. Then just every so often.Keep going – you're doing well

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