Unless you’ve been living under a rock as of late, you’ve probably heard the revelation that Josh Duggar had an account on Ashley Madison, that married-but-dating site we all love to hate.
According to “sources“, his wife, Anna, is partially blaming herself. I think it’s typical to blame oneself – at least momentarily – when ones partner has stepped out so that, in and of itself, isn’t a newsflash. I think the Duggar family – and possibly hers – blaming her goes without saying. After all, in their
cult belief system, anything bad like this can generally be blamed on the woman. It must be so easy to be a fundie man because you’re never 100% accountable for your misdeeds.
Unfortunately, this just further ensures that a) Anna will never leave Josh for a better life, and b) Josh will never really face the reality of what he’s done. After all, when the people you trust the most are blaming your misdeeds on someone else, why should you feel the need to change anything about yourself?
I especially think that Anna will have a hard time healing from this considering that, in this fundie “culture”, women aren’t supposed to be angry or sad. They’re supposed to smile all the time, no matter how they feel inside. Ever notice those fake smiles the Duggar girls always have plastered on? (In case you’re wondering, the best way to tell if a smile is real or fake is by seeing if the eyes crinkle. If the smile reaches the eyes, it’s a genuine smile. If not, they’re faking it.) Healing from something like this without the ability to be angry (and justifiably so) with be very difficult, if not altogether impossible.
Now I’ve nothing against couples that choose to stay together and work through things after one party has cheated. It does seem that the ones that are really successful and able to (eventually) recover are the ones who accept that the cheated did not cause the cheater to cheat, don’t put a timeline on the hurt, and also that the cheater must be 100% accountable for as long as the cheated feels necessary. Oh, and the cheated must be willing to actually forgive because, no joke, as long as the cheated doesn’t feel validated, they will continue to bring up the indiscretions – especially during arguments – and, as long as they continue to be brought up in anger, it’s that much harder for healing to occur.
Just more evidence that the sexual shaming that this family – and others like it – engage in ultimately does more harm than good. Look around the internet at the various blogs and articles by people who lived in this lifestyle. They’re not well-adjusted people. Here’s one of the more recent articles. If you can’t look around the internet or read some books to see how harmful this behavior can be, then you’re just willfully ignorant. If you have looked at them, and dismiss them… well then, I just feel sorry for you.