How am I doing?

I’ve had some people ask recently how I’m doing. Honestly? I’m not doing well. My mom… well, she still has a terminal illness. My father just started dialysis. My children are so horribly behaved that I hate to take them in public. I hope I don’t sound like a drama queen here but I’m currently hating life right now. I’m under so much stress I don’t even know what to do with myself. My bp has been high. I’m not sure if my home bp cuff is right but I got 150/101 with a pulse of 89 a couple of hours ago.

I’ve thought for some time that Henry has Selective Mutism, no doubt there, but now I’m starting to think that he has some sensory issues as well. He’s got major issues with loud noises and, most recently, smells. He also flies off the handle over nothing. If he gets pissed, we’re liable to have to listen to something along the lines of “I want to watch Numberjacks. I want to watch Numberjacks….” repeated non-stop for very long periods of time – sometimes he’s gone about an hour before he either (finally) got distracted or fell asleep. And it’s truly as though he cannot stop once he gets started. At least, not easily. It’s not uncommon for him to throw things at people. Sometimes we’re able to distract him, but it’s bad. Bad, and seemingly getting worse. He’s supposed to start pre-k here shortly and I’m getting a bit concerned that he’s going to do something to cause issues there.

On top of that, I really miss Elias. There are so many times that I think of him and wonder what he’d have been like. Would he like the same things Noah does? Would he be into something else entirely?

I do have something positive to report. Friday night, Calvin slept the entire night (with Henry) in another room. That’s unheard of. Normally, on the rare occasion he falls asleep anywhere else, he wakes up, cries frantically, and comes running for our room. So, that’s something, right? Especially since we’re planning to switch rooms around so that all three of the dudes have the larger bedroom. This room switch might actually work after all. Keep your fingers crossed for us.