Happy Birthday Elias

Yesterday would should have been Bow’s fourth birthday. I just don’t even begin to understand why things happen the way they do. What I do know? That it’s just not fair, or right.

I had such high hopes for our little guy. I wanted to watch him grow into a man because I just knew that he would be such a good man. I was so certain that he would change the world, even if just in his own small corner of it. I guess in a way, he did. It’s just not what I had in mind.

Everyone went to the cemetery yesterday at 5:30 and, after a little while when everyone was ready, we released pink and purple balloons in his honor.

Not exactly the sort of birthday celebration I had in mind two months ago.

I found some poems that I very much wanted to read but just couldn’t quite get brave enough to do it so I’ll post them here instead:

Tiny Angels
Author Unknown

Tiny Angels rest your wings
sit with me for awhile.
How I long to hold your hand,
And see your tender smile.
Tiny Angel, look at me,
I want this image clear….
That I will forget your precious face
Is my biggest fear.
Tiny Angel can you tell me,
Why you have gone away?
You weren’t here for very long….
Why is it, you couldn’t stay?
Tiny Angel shook his head,
“These things I do not know….
But I do know that you love me,
And that I love you so”.


The Cord
Author Unknown

We are connected,
My child and I, by
An invisible cord
Not seen by the eye.

It’s not like the cord
That connects us ’til birth
This cord can’t been seen
By any on Earth.

This cord does it’s work
Right from the start.
It binds us together
Attached to my heart.

I know that it’s there
Though no one can see
The invisible cord
From my child to me.

The strength of this cord
Is hard to describe.
It can’t be destroyed
It can’t be denied.

It’s stronger than any cord
Man could create
It withstands the test
Can hold any weight.

And though you are gone,
Though you’re not here with me,
The cord is still there
But no one can see.

It pulls at my heart
I am bruised…I am sore,
But this cord is my lifeline
As never before.

I am thankful that God
Connects us this way
A mother and child
Death can’t take it away!

Tara Simms

What I wouldn’t give
To have you in my arms again,
Breathe your scent
And snuggle close to you.
I want to watch you sleep,
See your chest rise and fall
In peaceful slumber.
Let me lay my hand
Over your heart,
So I can
Feel it beating
Beneath my touch.
I want to be
Lulled to sleep
By its rhythm.


The Clock Ticks On
Kathleen P. Leach

The clock ticks on
While my soul bleeds slowly
And the aching of my empty arms
Cries softly, like a child in the night
I examine the hole in my Self
That remains where once a baby smiled at me amidst diapers and worries
And long sleepless nights
That then were spent in caring
But now are spent in silent dry tears
As the clock ticks on

3 thoughts on “Happy Birthday Elias”

  1. I know nothing I say can ease or comfort you but just wanted to let you know you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

  2. A very sad birthday for Elias.My daughter died when she was 3 years, 9 months and 28 days. She had been thinking about what sort of party she wanted. In the end, it was flowers and balloons at the graveyard. I'm so sorry. It is very, very hard.How are you doing this week?

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