Doubts

Lately, I’ve been having some weird issues with not being able to sleep at night. I lay there for a couple of hours, unable to get to sleep. It’s frustrating. I’m not sure what the problem is although part of the reason I cannot sleep is because I just can’t shut off my thoughts so that I could actually sleep. I replay the day, or certain situations from the day, in many cases going over and over and over what I did wrong, what I could have done differently…. It’s exhausting, or at least, it should be.

Sometimes various thoughts and concerns enter. I’ve been pretty perplexed about religion. I have been having a great many doubts for awhile now. I just don’t know what to think.

I spent summers (and every school break that was more than a day or two) with my grandparents, who were uber-religious. Any time I tried to question anything in the Bible or the religion, it was met with stern displeasure and I was told that I was just to believe and never question. Ever. So I carried most of my doubts and questions quietly.

After my grandmother was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s, I was able to see that she wasn’t all there mentally about many things and hadn’t been for some time – possibly most of my life – which made me question how many other things she was “not all there” about, including religion.

Fast forward to today. I’m left with oh-so-many doubts and questions that just don’t seem answerable. If it was just me, it wouldn’t seem all that big of a deal but I have children and I am at a loss for what to teach them. I have deep pangs of guilt for not involving them – and us – in church, yet when we go, I feel like an impostor. It’s all just very draining.

4 thoughts on “Doubts”

  1. I have a few of the same issues — mind refusing to shut up by the time I get to sleep and the religion thing. I come from a Catholic background, am married to a staunch agnostic and I currently just consider myself Christian. Personally, I think it all comes down to what you believe is most important to teach; it may or may not involve an organized church. It is up to you and it may run contrary to what you were raised. But if, in your heart, it is right, could it really be wrong? That's my 2 cents at least 🙂

  2. Religious traditions and doing things out of guilt can cause us all to question if it's real. God is real and He wants a relationship and that has nothing to do with a "do this" and a "don't do this" list. It's ok to question but don't leave it there, dig into it for yourself. Dig into God – not religion – for your answers. p.s.I'm following you on GFC, coming over from Mom bloggers Club (MBC).ThanksShasher's Life

  3. I feel your deep love and concern for your children and I know that your concerns are real. Please trust that God loves you and pray that He will answer your prayers. He loves us today as much as He has loved any of His children at any other time in history. I know that my prayers and your prayers are heard. All He asks is that we extend our faith! Also, I know that 'Families Are Forever!' Have a great day!

  4. You are brave to post your feelings about religion on here, because it can be such a touchy subject. I am Lutheran and married to a rabid atheist. So far it's working for us. He knows our children will be raised in the church with me. While we've had some disagreements, we have basically come to a meeting of the minds in this way: we both recognize that no matter what we teach our kids, they will someday make up their own minds about what they believe. I teach my daughter about God's love, and Hubby will teach her about science when she's older (she's 19 mos.). My own personal beliefs are often shocking to others. Essentially, I just looked at what I felt in my heart *had* to be true–that God's love is whole, complete, and unconditional. I believe He wants us to just do our best, be the best, and spread love everywhere as much as possible.I hope you won't feel constrained to believe just what is taught or told to you, necessarily. Believe what you feel in your heart to be true, and then stop worrying. I hope that your sleepless nights will be alleviated soon!

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