Do you ever feel this way?

Frequently my anxiety level just really peaks and I’m left feeling panicky and as though I have no idea what I’m doing. I’m frequently left with a feeling of dread as though something will go wrong, or as though I’ve done something horribly wrong. I really hate those feelings but I don’t really know what to do about them.

Yes, I’ve felt them before, when I had PTSD from both my car wreck and after Elias’ birth. I am quite certain that Elias’ death triggered the PTSD again. I just don’t know what to do about it.

I’m medicated and have been for a couple of months now. It just doesn’t seem to be helping that panicky feeling of dread. My blood pressure is elevated – I’m now medicated for that, too! I just wish life could go back to normal but I realize that can never be. All that we can strive for is the “new normal” that I’ve been hearing so much about.

5 thoughts on “Do you ever feel this way?”

  1. Yes, I have, and only time + deep self-examination makes it go away. You are probably being preyed on by fears related to losing Elias and, with a new one on the way, the idea that somehow that will happen to you again. That’s my 3 second psychoanalysis…how am I doing? 🙂

    I felt the way you describe a few months ago. I had myd Lemony Snickets “series of unfortunate events” experience starting Sept. of last year and culminating in the bloody animal horror show [still a big ugly secret here, to keep little minds from upset] that happened about a week and a half after Elias died. I had been crying every day about Elias, and that afternoon, my mom had given me a pep talk, I took a deep breath and resolved to buck up, and within an hour, I was in the horror show, and was left a shaking, screaming, crying, insomniac basket case.

    That went on for a while – the shaking and not sleeping part eased off after several days of frequent doses of anti-anxiety meds, but it took a few months to “feel better” and then June rolled around and I relapsed into depression. June 2nd was my paternal grandma’s b-day, and her memorial was held in mid-June. Even though she died in Feb., it was like losing her all over again.

    What a FUBAR mess I have been – and when you’re a mom, you don’t have the luxury to just wallow in it, you have to pretend like you’re okay, because you don’t want any of the emotions you’re being battered by to ooze into your kids’ brains. You are perfectly normal, my dear, IMO. Keep fighting the good fight to get back to a place where you feel like you can function again. Great big HUGS!!!!!

    1. I most definitely have fears related to the death of Elias. For the longest time, I would check on all three in the middle of the night, just to be sure they were still breathing. It tapered off for awhile, but recently it’s cropped back up so I find myself checking and rechecking. I’ve NEVER been that kind of parent. I always found that sort of behavior absurd. Now I am one. *sigh*

  2. I have felt this way. I started taking “True Calm” a natural herbal remedy for anxiety, stress, anger. I will say I feel so much better! It’s available on amazon for like $8.

  3. Yes I felt this way too! I bought an herbal remedy called “True Calm” that helps with anxiety, stress, anger. I love it! I feel so much better. It’s available on amazon for like $8.

    1. Being pregnant, I’m a little skeptical about a lot of herbs because some of them can be downright dangerous, although I did find something called “Natural Calm” that is nothing more than magnesium and calcium and some natural flavoring. we’ll see how well it works. I will keep your suggestion in mind for later, however. 🙂

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