Well this is awesome

While at an appointment today I learned that my blood pressure was 152/106. Nice, right?

Originally I kinda blew it off – which I was reminded I’d been doing for awhile now. I reminded her that we just passed the anniversary of Elias’ death and still had to make it through his birthday in April. I assured her I’d make an appointment the first of June.

It was also pointed out that the strange low humming noise I was experiencing could in fact be caused by the high reading.

As we were checking out, Ceili Fey remarked about how swollen my hands were. I looked at them and got a bit panicked. They called the NP back out and she thought I was having a panic attack. They sat me in a room and gave me something to help.

I also agreed to start on blood pressure meds. Why the change of heart? Because I flashed back to a couple of days ago when I actually said to myself  – possibly out loud  – “I’m going to stroke out”. No reason for it. The thought just hit me.

I told the nurse that I think the universe was conspiring to make sure I started on meds today.

I know I probably need it – so says the evidence stacked up against me – but damn. I didn’t want this.


Lies, damned lies, and fact checking

Came across this lovely piece of shit garbage “information” on Facebook today.

National Pro-Life Alliance The numbers don't lie. Abortion is the leading cause of death in the United States every year.
National Pro-Life Alliance
The numbers don’t lie.
Abortion is the leading cause of death in the United States every year.

Actually, the numbers DO lie but the “National Pro-Life Alliance” counts wholly on you not bothering to double check their so-called facts.

I know I stink at math but even to me, those numbers sounded pretty bogus, so I did some quick Googling. So can you. Btw, I purposely avoided the incredibly biased pro-life sites. If I wanted bullshit figures, I’d go straight to them.

For the purpose of this experiment in just how capable of googling I am, all info courtesy of the CDC. Why? Because I feel they’re *slightly* less full of shit.

Ready? Here goes:

Abortions have been and continue to be tracked by the CDC since 1969 – you can even break them down by state via Excel spreadsheet, if you should so desire.

In 2010, 765,651 legal induced abortions were reported to CDC from 49 reporting areas. The abortion rate for 2010 was 14.6 abortions per 1,000 women aged 15–44 years and the abortion ratio was 228 abortions per 1,000 live births.

Compared with 2009, the total number and rate of reported abortions for 2010 decreased 3%. The abortion ratio was stable, changing only 0.4%. Additionally, from 2001 to 2010 the number, rate, and ratio of reported abortions decreased 9%, 10%, and 8%, respectively. Given the 3% decrease from 2009 to 2010 in the total number and rate of reported abortions, in combination with the 5% decrease that had occurred in the previous year, the overall decrease during the most recent 5-year period (2006–2010) was greater than the decrease during the previous 5-year period (2001–2005).

Women in their twenties accounted for the majority of abortions in 2010 and throughout the period of analysis. The majority of abortions in 2010 took place early in gestation:  91.9% of abortions were performed at ≤13 weeks’ gestation, and of the abortions performed at ≤13 weeks’ gestation, 71.7% were performed at ≤ 8 weeks’ gestation. In 2010, 17.7% of all abortions were medical abortions. Source: MMWR 2013;62(8).


You can see the info for yourself here: http://www.cdc.gov/reproductivehealth/data_stats/Abortion.htm

Hmmm. That CDC number looks nothing like the one on the chart….

Accidental deaths yearly:

All unintentional injury deaths

Number of deaths: 126,438
Deaths per 100,000 population: 40.6
Cause of death rank: 5

Unintentional fall deaths

Number of deaths: 27,483
Deaths per 100,000 population: 8.8

Motor vehicle traffic deaths

Number of deaths: 33,783
Deaths per 100,000 population: 10.8

Unintentional poisoning deaths

Number of deaths: 36,280
Deaths per 100,000 population: 11.6

All easily available at the CDC: http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/fastats/accidental-injury.htm

Our numbers are closer, but still a tiny bit skewed.

Cancer deaths:

Number of deaths: 576,691
Deaths per 100,000 population: 185.1
Cause of death rank: 2

Also found on the CDC: http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/fastats/cancer.htm

Getting closer. We’re obviously rounding on the chart.

Heart disease info, again, according to the CDC.

About 600,000 people die of heart disease in the United States every year–that’s 1 in every 4 deaths.1

Heart disease is the leading cause of death for both men and women. More than half of the deaths due to heart disease in 2009 were in men.1

Coronary heart disease is the most common type of heart disease, killing nearly 380,000 people annually.1

See http://www.cdc.gov/heartdisease/facts.htm

Finally! Our chart has one right!!

I know, I know, it’s all about the attention-grabbing numbers that they throw up on a colorful pie chart! But, really, you should be insulted that “they” – and that’s not just the intelligence-insulting National Pro-Life Alliance, but any intelligence-insulting organization that throws bullshit up on a pretty chart – are relying on you being too stupid, too lazy, or too gullible to actually check their work.

You should feel insulted.

You don’t know how it feels

This was going around Facebook last week. Perhaps in reference to Robin Williams’ suicide.


The above is true for some people, sure. But not those who have depression or mental illnesses. It’s not just a fucking switch you turn on and off.

I got PTSD after a bad car wreck when I was pregnant with my oldest. Her birth (cesarean) was very traumatic to me which just added more on top of what was already unresolved. Then my next birth (highly medicalized VBAC) was also traumatic. More issues with PTSD. Yay!

When Elias died, I could feel the PTSD kicking my ass. I wish I could just make it go away. Unfortunately, I don’t get that option. I just get to live with it. And, let’s be frank, if you’ve never lost a child, you don’t know exactly what it’s like. Losing a spouse or a parent or a sibling may give you some idea, but not wholly so. Of course, that’s the first thing that people want to do. They want to tell you that they know how you feel because their _______ died. I don’t think for a minute that I know just how you feel when your ____ died, so do me a favor and don’t do that to me. You/I may have an idea how I/you feel, but unless you have lost a child or I have lost a ______, odds are good you/I don’t. And you say you’ve moved on? Just like flipping a switch. Well, congratulations to you. Not everyone is that cold and detached works that way.

Here’s some brutal honesty for you: The more stressed I feel, the more the depression and PTSD come out to play. The more it comes out, the more depressed I get. But sometimes, I just get depressed. Lately, it’s been bad. Especially with the start of school. Elias should have been starting first grade two weeks ago.

Were it not for my surviving kids, I’m not so sure I’d be here today. 

Pretty sure I did not just break my child you asshole

I’ve seen occasional posts on Facebook where people complain about seeing some unknown parent going off on their kid during some outing. Then, everyone commiserates with the original poster about how awful said parent is, blah blah blah. Inevitably, someone brings up the “You Just Broke Your Child. Congratulations.” blog post.

Here’s the thing. I’ve probably been perceived much that way out in public a time or two. I bet, whether you’ll admit it or not, quite a few of you have at least once.

Unfortunately, what those that base their assessment on was only what they see before them in that instant. Not what the rest of life in that family is like. And, sure, the parents may beat the crap out of their kid, I’m not saying that doesn’t happen. I’m saying that there may very well me something else going on instead.

At least in our case, what they most likely neglected to see was that while I do indeed love my children, there are times that mommy simply loses her shit.

Losing your shit is something that’s easy to do when you’ve got a 16 month old that’s trying to pull your shirt off in front of everyone so he can eat and who thinks nothing to hit you – and that kid packs a wallop – and makes the most horrendous screech – like nothing you’ve ever heard before and didn’t know was actually humanly possible – when he’s refused or not responded to fast enough, a three year old that most likely has selective mutism in addition to being truly the most hard-headed child I’ve ever encountered, a five year old that whines excessively – about anything and everything and when he doesn’t get his way, starts barking – or sometimes growling in a way that almost sounds evil – orders to you, and an eleven year old that knows everything and the price of it – and has for a few years now – and there’s just no telling her otherwise…. yeah, it’s hard to imagine why I might yell at them now and then. Especially when we’re out in public and I can’t just send them to their room for awhile, if need be.

It’s especially cute to see these Holier-Than-Thou Moms (HTTM) who claim they never lose their cool concoct stories about how these damnable parents beat their children when no one is looking. *eyeroll* Yeah, because the HTTM have truly spent time with each and every one of these horrible parents to know exactly in what ways they are horrible. Because, apparently, the HTTM have never had a “losing your shit” moment and, naturally, that means no one else ever should. Or – my personal favorite – is when the HTTM has all the answers to what you’re doing wrong, even though she has never even seen you or your children before.

Again, only speaking for myself here, but what the HTTM also don’t see are the games, movies, books, bike rides, walks, playing, parks, and all of the other niceties that our kids get to experience. Or how about the hours spent communicating with the teachers each year of school to make sure that our kids are on par with where they need to be and if not, what we can do about it. Because we love them and care about them.

I’m pretty sure that, at the end of each day, as we tuck them into bed, our kids all know we love them, and to hell with anything else.

We know you’re the mom, already

By now, most of you have read the blog entry where the blogger discusses this sign.

My initial, knee jerk reaction was no way in hell! The more I read of her blog and the more I think about it, I’m not so sure. I still don’t believe that such a thing should ever be mandatory – parental rights, anyone? – but I don’t find a kinder, gentler, voluntary process a-okay here.

In the blogger’s case, her daughter is 17. To most of the country, 17 is nearly grown, although, it seems that this mom doesn’t agree. Her attitude more implies ownership of her child(ren) than parentage of them. Perhaps it’s parents like this that the doctor’s office seeks to protect children from. Perhaps that’s why she’s so angry about it all.

Let’s face facts here. Something that I’m betting the mom in question is loathe to do. Most 17 year old (straight) girls have usually had a boyfriend or two. At 17, those boyfriends may be a bit more serious than we’d like them to be. Something they may not want to admit to us.

While I – and most attentive, caring, loving parents – would LOVE to think that kids will come to mom and/or dad with ANYTHING, I, for one, am not living in a dreamworld. I’m fully aware that kids keep things from their parents. All. The. Time.

Perhaps this might sound a bit odd, but I would actually hope that our TRUSTED family care provider that we’ve seen for pretty much my kids’ entire lives would question our kids around that age to make sure that everything is okay, that there’s no abuse going on in their current or previous relationships, etc.

Although, we found out in this case from the mother’s follow up post that it was apparently the case of some overzealous office persons that didn’t have much of a clue.

Let me be very clear about something. I don’t believe such a thing should be mandatory.  I just think it a very good idea for a trusted caregiver to speak in private with kids to be sure there isn’t something mom or dad should know but don’t. And, truly, if you don’t trust your caregiver to do something like that, perhaps you should find a new one.