Not brainwashed

I stumbled upon this article titled “Eve’s Punishment Rebooted: The Ideology of Natural Birth” and was immediately appalled. As I read, the entire article gave me the feeling that myself and women like me are being considered brainwashed products of misogyny. Perhaps that was the case, perhaps not. Only Ms. Egbert would know her true intent here. She would later claim in comments that it was not her intent. Unfortunately, when you go and alienate an entire group of women straight off the bat, it’s a little difficult to be so sure.

As I stated in a couple of my replies to some of the comments – as well as to most anyone who know me or has read my blog for any length of time –  of my five children, three were born in hospitals. My first (a cesarean) and my second (a highly medicalized VBAC) were both very traumatic to me. After the latter, I actually made the statement that having been raped before by someone I trusted, I know what it felt like, and that birth felt exactly the same. I felt bullied through the pregnancy by the OBs in the practice. Scare tactics were used even though there was no evidence that anything was wrong. In both of my first two births, I felt like a child being told what to do. I was treated as essentially nothing, worthless. WIth my VBAC – that I wanted to have naturally (i.e. vaginally, no pain meds, no unnecessary interventions), I was given pitocin – that I had previously made clear I did not want – “just a little” and “just for a little bit”, both of which ended up being total lies. When I finally insisted on having it turned off, I was informed that if I did not allow the nurse to turn it back on, the doctor would section me when she came in. No reason or need. But, again, I was just the little patient, expected to do as I was told. When I finally relented to the epidural, my nurse was ecstatic because I was easier to control. Once it came time to push, the OB actually yelled at me for grunting and breathing noisily as I was attempting to push. Again, I wasn’t being the good little girl, I guess. I truly wanted nothing more than to kick that bitch in the head, but knew that I needed to be that good patient. Naturally, she got me back by stitching me up so tightly that it hurt to use the toilet for months. That was a nice touch.

I will also say that my last two (home water birth and home dry birth) were my largest babies at 10 lb 13 oz and 11 lb 11 oz, respectively. Because I was able to move into positions that felt right at the time, I managed to avoid tearing. At all. Even though I did with my other smaller babies. In fact, after both of their births, I actually had to be told to calm down and take it easy. I was exhilarated and even, yes, empowered. Not because of any pain – which, as one previous poster pointed out, DOES NOT ALWAYS EQUATE TO SUFFERING – but because I did it. I did something that the previously mentioned OB would have sectioned me for. I was able to immediately start the bonding process. No baby was being whisked away. In fact, my midwife (CNM, for those keeping track at home) prefers that only mom or dad, but especially mom, hold baby for the first day or two, just to help increase likelihood of bonding. That’s fine with me because I don’t have to worry about people traipsing through, expecting to hold baby. In fact, when it’s in our home, we get to determine who we do and don’t want traipsing through. 😉

Upon reading the article, I immediately resented the implication that I have been brainwashed. If anything, I had been previously brainwashed to trust in the so-called “experts” to know what was best for me. I resent the implication that I – or others like me – are brainwashed into choosing natural (drug-free, vaginal) birth.

Unfortunately, many of the commenters also referred to us “natural birthers” as a cult. You’ve got to be kidding. If anything, this belief that you’re only safe in an icky, germ-infested hospital where you’re told what to do and only “allowed” to do certain things while being “not allowed” others is the one that is cult-like. After all, if you wouldn’t accept being “allowed” or “not allowed” to do things by a significant other, why is it suddenly okay for our care providers? Why should they be exempt from respecting us and our bodies?

I do wish that Ms. Egbert would have spent some time with us “natural birthers” as well as some midwives before she drew her conclusions. I also wish that she would reach out and take the time to find out why our need/desire/wish for such takes place. In many cases – at least the ones I know personally – we choose the natural method because we feel better taken care of, safer, and we feel like human beings.

Pretty sure I did not just break my child you asshole

I’ve seen occasional posts on Facebook where people complain about seeing some unknown parent going off on their kid during some outing. Then, everyone commiserates with the original poster about how awful said parent is, blah blah blah. Inevitably, someone brings up the “You Just Broke Your Child. Congratulations.” blog post.

Here’s the thing. I’ve probably been perceived much that way out in public a time or two. I bet, whether you’ll admit it or not, quite a few of you have at least once.

Unfortunately, what those that base their assessment on was only what they see before them in that instant. Not what the rest of life in that family is like. And, sure, the parents may beat the crap out of their kid, I’m not saying that doesn’t happen. I’m saying that there may very well me something else going on instead.

At least in our case, what they most likely neglected to see was that while I do indeed love my children, there are times that mommy simply loses her shit.

Losing your shit is something that’s easy to do when you’ve got a 16 month old that’s trying to pull your shirt off in front of everyone so he can eat and who thinks nothing to hit you – and that kid packs a wallop – and makes the most horrendous screech – like nothing you’ve ever heard before and didn’t know was actually humanly possible – when he’s refused or not responded to fast enough, a three year old that most likely has selective mutism in addition to being truly the most hard-headed child I’ve ever encountered, a five year old that whines excessively – about anything and everything and when he doesn’t get his way, starts barking – or sometimes growling in a way that almost sounds evil – orders to you, and an eleven year old that knows everything and the price of it – and has for a few years now – and there’s just no telling her otherwise…. yeah, it’s hard to imagine why I might yell at them now and then. Especially when we’re out in public and I can’t just send them to their room for awhile, if need be.

It’s especially cute to see these Holier-Than-Thou Moms (HTTM) who claim they never lose their cool concoct stories about how these damnable parents beat their children when no one is looking. *eyeroll* Yeah, because the HTTM have truly spent time with each and every one of these horrible parents to know exactly in what ways they are horrible. Because, apparently, the HTTM have never had a “losing your shit” moment and, naturally, that means no one else ever should. Or – my personal favorite – is when the HTTM has all the answers to what you’re doing wrong, even though she has never even seen you or your children before.

Again, only speaking for myself here, but what the HTTM also don’t see are the games, movies, books, bike rides, walks, playing, parks, and all of the other niceties that our kids get to experience. Or how about the hours spent communicating with the teachers each year of school to make sure that our kids are on par with where they need to be and if not, what we can do about it. Because we love them and care about them.

I’m pretty sure that, at the end of each day, as we tuck them into bed, our kids all know we love them, and to hell with anything else.

Military people as “hired killers”

Wow. Sometimes I really love Facebook. I especially love to incite morons.

Check out this (young) pompous ass as he offends me and proceeds to call the military “hired killers”. If you think this guy is as big of a douchbag as I do, feel free to do what thou wilt!!

I can’t figure out how to attach a pdf – which is how I can save it – so I just did a cut and paste. If you’ve ever used Facebook, you’ll know what it’s supposed to look like.

Liz Corgan Chandler Interesting POV on the firing of McChrystal and what that means for repealing Don’t Ask Don’t Tell. It’s someone’s personal blog so it’s an opinion- but still worth reading!

Yesterday at 9:50am · Comment · LikeUnlike · Share

Amanda Kenworthy

Amanda Kenworthy

That’s pretty much what my husband has been saying for some time now.

I don’t believe Obama actually plans to repeal it.

Yesterday at 9:55am · LikeUnlike ·
Gus Pearcy

Gus Pearcy

I’m a little shaky on the whole repeal process anyhow. I have some burning questions about the culture of the military and how this would affect it. I’ve been afraid to ask because I don’t want to appear homophobic. At the same time, I’m not sure that a repeal and the new policy would work on several different layers. It may be the right thing to do, but it still could be a problem for the military to work out.
Yesterday at 10:08am · LikeUnlike
Sarah Minch

Sarah Minch

Even if he planned it, he wouldn’t succeed. He had popularity when he was elected, but popularity is not the same thing as political clout. His popularity is sinking as the people who voted for him are getting disillusioned, but his clout is not going to grow. Popularity is only good for winning elections. It’s not good for passing agendas.
Yesterday at 10:10am · LikeUnlike
Amanda Kenworthy

Amanda Kenworthy

@Sarah, I’m pretty sure I remember Jon saying that, if Obama really wanted to, he could make it happen. It’s truly a question of wanting to.
Yesterday at 10:20am · LikeUnlike ·
Daniel P Garrity

Daniel P Garrity

Who cares whether or not gays are allowed to go kill for the oil companies? Too many people doing that already.
Yesterday at 5:11pm · LikeUnlike
Amanda Kenworthy

Amanda Kenworthy

I’m pretty sure my husband doesn’t reflect on his time in Afghanistan as “killing for the oil companies.”
about an hour ago · LikeUnlike ·
Daniel P Garrity

Daniel P Garrity

Too bad for him.
about an hour ago · LikeUnlike
Amanda Kenworthy

Amanda Kenworthy

Yeah, that’s not snotty and condescending at all. If you know so much about the mil, how much time were you in for??
about an hour ago · LikeUnlike ·
Daniel P Garrity

Daniel P Garrity

I don’t have to commit murder for business to recognize murder for business.
48 minutes ago · LikeUnlike
Daniel P Garrity

Daniel P Garrity

Just saying, they are hired killers. Nation Building lol.
47 minutes ago · LikeUnlike
Amanda Kenworthy

Amanda Kenworthy

Hmm. Sort of like how I don’t have to be a pompous ass to recognize one. Gotcha.
45 minutes ago · LikeUnlike ·
Amanda Kenworthy

Amanda Kenworthy

So, along with being an ass, you’re also demonstrating that you truly know not about what is going on over there. Oh, that’s right, you rely on your evening news for all that info.
44 minutes ago · LikeUnlike ·
Amanda Kenworthy

Amanda Kenworthy

And, ftr, I’m very much against the war, but HOW DARE YOU call my husband and many others hired killers?
44 minutes ago · LikeUnlike ·
Daniel P Garrity

Daniel P Garrity

Did he engage in killing? Because if you get paid to shoot guns and fire artillery at people with the intention of ending their lives you are, in fact, a hired killer. Just because the Government is the client does not change the fact you kill for money. Just because you have some cornball idea that you’re serving your country doesn’t negate the fact you kill for money.
41 minutes ago · LikeUnlike
Amanda Kenworthy

Amanda Kenworthy

Oh, yes, you’re right. When men with guns fired at him, he should have just laid his gun down and done cartwheels.

No, all you do is show your youth and ignorance.

40 minutes ago · LikeUnlike ·
Daniel P Garrity

Daniel P Garrity

People have this crazy idea that it’s cool to be against the war and the politicians and businessmen who start it, but that the dupes who sign up to take part are heroes. Yes. Doing what the state tells you even if it means killing people you know nothing about are heroes and totally not people who made bad decisions.
39 minutes ago · LikeUnlike
Daniel P Garrity

Daniel P Garrity

Maybe he shouldn’t have signed up to go where there would be men with guns shooting at him. he didn’t accidentally wander onto a battlefield where people shot at him. He volunteered to go to a battlefield so he could commit murder under the guise of public service.
37 minutes ago · LikeUnlike
Amanda Kenworthy

Amanda Kenworthy

You really are a piece, aren’t ya?
37 minutes ago · LikeUnlike ·
Daniel P Garrity

Daniel P Garrity

I know it’s weird for a person to consider the logical implications about their convictions and be willing to state unpopular opinions because of them.

So why did your husband volunteer to engage in a wrongheaded War?

34 minutes ago · LikeUnlike
Amanda Kenworthy

Amanda Kenworthy

Why don’t you ask him yourself? I’m sure Jonathan Hause would be glad to enlighten you. Or do you not actually have the guts to go up to someone in the mil and say the b.s. you’ve spouted here??
31 minutes ago · LikeUnlike ·
Daniel P Garrity

Daniel P Garrity

Because I don’t care enough to find the husband of some broad I was having an argument on Facebook who I don’t even know and pestering him about his reasons for being an assassin.
28 minutes ago · LikeUnlike
Daniel P Garrity

Daniel P Garrity

But you never answered any of my questions, you just made fun of me for being consistent in my beliefs instead of adhering to some media constructed double standard where we Hate the War but grovel at the feet of the ones who make it possible.
27 minutes ago · LikeUnlike
Daniel P Garrity

Daniel P Garrity

But if I’ve helped one more pseudo-Liberal who doens’t follow through on their convictions give up and just admit to being a Republican I’ve done God’s work. :3
25 minutes ago · LikeUnlike
Amanda Kenworthy

Amanda Kenworthy

No, because you truly don’t have the balls to go up to someone like my husband and bombard him with your idiocy.

You opened yourself up when you started talking shit about military people, of which I’m married to one. If I were truly going to make fun of you, I’d probably start with the thing on your head that makes it pretty difficult for any intelligent person to take you seriously.

I’m pretty sure that if God’s work is to be done – or is even real – you’d be the last one to do it.

22 minutes ago · LikeUnlike ·
Daniel P Garrity

Daniel P Garrity

Well i wasn’t going to make fun of you for running a whole blog celebrating your weird baby fetish, but if you’re gonna make fun of my awesome hat then you’re celebration of being a baby factory as a hobby seems fair game. My hat is 10 times cooler than your womb.
20 minutes ago · LikeUnlike
Daniel P Garrity

Daniel P Garrity

And the reason I don’t talk to your husband is because this is Facebook and I don’t care. But you seem to believe that I should go out and have mongoloid jarheads beat my ass into my face, otherwise my opinion isn’t valid. If that’s the case, then how about you go get your ass kicked for your convictions too? Or maybe you don’t HAVE to get your ass beat to have a valid opinion, and you just use the oldest, laziest, disingenuous debate tactics ever.
16 minutes ago · LikeUnlike
Amanda Kenworthy

Amanda Kenworthy

Oooh, wow. Gee, that hurt.

LMFAO

16 minutes ago · LikeUnlike ·
Daniel P Garrity

Daniel P Garrity

I hope it hurt as much as when you made fun of my hat.
15 minutes ago · LikeUnlike
Amanda Kenworthy

Amanda Kenworthy

No, maybe I just don’t give a fuck about you and your stupidity. Actually, this has all been a source of amusement for me.
15 minutes ago · LikeUnlike ·
Amanda Kenworthy

Amanda Kenworthy

OH, yeah, feel free to check out my blog again. Anytime really.
12 minutes ago · LikeUnlike ·
Daniel P Garrity

Daniel P Garrity

I present to you, your theme song. Admittedly a little 90s in it’s references, but if I, Mr. youth and Inexperience get them then you should too http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tGDT7wKvdRk
12 minutes ago · LikeUnlike
Amanda Kenworthy

Amanda Kenworthy

Maybe if I actually cared, I’d click on it.

Now, really, go back and bury your head in the sand – Oh, that’s right, you don’t actually have the balls to go there.

11 minutes ago · LikeUnlike ·
Daniel P Garrity

Daniel P Garrity

Why do you think it’s a matter of cajones that would keep me from joining an organization I dislike to fight a War I disagree with?

I’d click any link you sent me.

10 minutes ago · LikeUnlike
Liz Corgan Chandler

Liz Corgan Chandler

Enough ya’ll. I’m removing the discussion. You are both exactly right and wrong and pretty and stupid and whatever else.
10 minutes ago · LikeUnlike
Daniel P Garrity

Daniel P Garrity

I DISAGREE WITH THE FLAME WAR BUT SUPPORT THE FLAME WAR TROOPS
9 minutes ago · LikeUnlike
Daniel P Garrity

9 minutes ago · LikeUnlike
Amanda Kenworthy

Amanda Kenworthy

Wow. Pure genius.
9 minutes ago · LikeUnlike ·
Daniel P Garrity

Daniel P Garrity

I’m a smart cookie.
8 minutes ago · LikeUnlike
Daniel P Garrity

Daniel P Garrity

You’re just jealous cause I be stylin’ on ya.
8 minutes ago · LikeUnlike
Amanda Kenworthy

Amanda Kenworthy

Damn, how’d you guess.
7 minutes ago · LikeUnlike ·
Amanda Kenworthy

Amanda Kenworthy

Okay, I’ll bite. I just clicked your link. Firstly, the original Phil Ochs version of that song is waaaaay better. I’m not sure who butchered it. Secondly, I’m not a liberal. Third, I’m totally against the war, but I’ll be damned if I’m going to talk shit about the poor saps fighting it. I’ll talk all my shit about the ones in charge. Never ever ever would I call the people in the military “hired killers”.
4 minutes ago · LikeUnlike ·
Amanda Kenworthy

Amanda Kenworthy

I love you, Liz. 🙂
4 minutes ago · LikeUnlike ·