Happy 8th Birthday, Elias

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You should have been 8 today. You should have been looking forward to summer break, to you and Noah walking Henry to kindergarten this fall. We should have been planning a party for you. Instead, in the morning, we’ll be getting ready to go to the cemetery, instead. Like we do every year for your birthday.

It never really gets easier, does it.

Happy birthday, Bow. I love and miss you so very much.

On days like this

It’s midnight as I write this. That means that, in several more hours, it’s four years to the moment our son, Elias, died.

Apparently Facebook saw fit to remind me and rub salt in that wound by showing me a “memory” in the form of a picture of him. It just popped up in my feed last night. No, lie, I truly do wish for a slow, painful demise for whatever genius decided it would be a great idea to force you to relive pain in the form of memories on Facebook.

But, this is the day, with or without Facebook. It’s always difficult. Doesn’t really get much easier. You just sort of look for ways to get through it. That’s all you can do.

I’m hoping to soften the blow just a bit this time because several months ago, I bought tickets to Disney on Ice for the family. I guess it’s my way of trying to not have the next several days really suck. After all, Ceili Fey has a birthday on the sixth and Calvin’s is on the seventh. The past few birthdays have kind of sucked for her, especially. Hopefully this will be a great memory for all of the kids.

Here’s to memories, past and future.

Happy 7th birthday, Elias

Today, you would have been 7.

Words cannot convey just how much you are missed on this and all other days. You were taken from us far too soon for no real reason. That just makes it all the harder.

You should have been heading to school with Noah each day, pestering Ceili Fey, going to the library to play Bingo, doing so many things…. So many things you’ll never get to do. Henry still keeps the nickname you gave him. I think he’ll always consider himself Dinky. You’d have loved Calvin, you did like babies. Unfortunately, Henry was too young to remember you but we tell them both about you.

Life goes on but it’s just not fair that it goes on without you.

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Happy 12th birthday, Ceili Fey!

It’s very hard to believe that today you are 12.

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You’ve borne witness to a lot, both life and death. That’s a lot for anyone.

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Each day you have grown more beautiful, inside and out.

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You’re smart, funny, and I’m proud to call you my child.

Happy happy birthday, Ceili Fey. I love you.