Been a long while…

I know that it’s been some time since I last posted anything. It’s hard, it really is. Between being so busy with life/work/home/family/everything-else, it’s easy to forget just how long it’s been since since posting last.

Henry  turned six the last of January. He had his very first ever birthday party. This is a huge milestone as his Selective Mutism frequently makes things like this impossible. He still does not want to be sung to which doesn’t upset me any. I’ll let you in on a little secret: I HATE singing Happy Birthday or having it sung to me. HATE IT. I find it the most absurd tradition. I’ve never expressed it to my kids, but I’m so not upset by his decision to have everyone refrain. 

On March 4, we hit the fifth anniversary of our son, Elias’, death. For some reason, this one was harder than the last couple have been. I don’t know why, well, maybe I do. I kind of wonder if it might not have something to do with Calvin turning four a few days afterward. There’s something about four… that age that Elias never reached. Well, that and others, but I think the fact that he died so close to his fourth birthday… that just weighs heavily on me. At least we’ve been able to get the other three boys to four – and beyond.

Also in March, Ceili Fey turned 14 which is incredibly hard to believe. It seems like she shouldn’t be just about to start high school.

It’s odd how, after a death like Elias’, time seems to go so slowly, yet so fast at the same time. I’m not sure how to explain it in any other terms. It may be something that is unique to the experience as I’m not sure that other “normal” people experience anything quite like it.

I should really try to post more frequently on here. I feel as though it’s been somewhat therapeutic in the past.

In any case, it’s now quitting time so I need to run. I just wanted to update you on the latest happenings in our lives. I promise I will try to do so more frequently.

Take care of yourselves, and each other.


Elias and Noah’s birthday party

Elias and Noah’s party went rather well. They loved the cake that Jon made.

I was surprised to learn that one of my sisters would be at the party, after all. Since we had originally thought hardly anyone would be coming, we had decided to end the party early and take everyone to Jump-n-Play and then to Randelli’s for pizza. All the kids had a great time.


I’m really quite bummed today. The birthday party for Elias and Noah is tomorrow. On my side of the family, only my parents are scheduled to show up. Not either of my sisters, nor their families.

It wouldn’t be such a big deal if it were a one-time thing, but it’s not. Pretty much every birthday party we’ve had after Elias turned one has lacked some part of my family. I’m starting to wonder if I need to send out those “Save the Date” cards a year beforehand. Yeah, I joke, but I’m really really bummed out and feeling hurt about this. I just don’t get it. I really feel as though my kids just don’t matter to my family. I guess I need to get used to it because it seems to be the way things are and I can’t force anyone to show up or care.

Ceili Fey’s birthday party

I tried to get one of her blowing out the candles but missed by a few seconds

Noah really enjoyed his cake

What’s this?
Oh, wow!!

An American Girl doll!!

Ceili Fey got a lot of great presents however the American Girl doll is something she has wanted for years.

A locking diary! She’s been asking for one for some time

Henry seemed to enjoy spending time with his family also.

Elias and Noah’s birthday party

Elias and Noah’s birthday party was on Saturday. Admittedly, it was a little disappointing to me. Hardly anyone on my side showed up – various reasons from forgetfulness to illness to work. Fortunately, the little guys didn’t notice. They had a great time.

Poor Noah hasn’t gotten much play time with his giraffe trike because Elias keeps glomming onto it.

Same with the kissing Elmo that was supposed to be for Noah!

Ceili Fey, Josie and Kaitlyn all had a good time.

And then there was cake!

For some reason, Elias didn’t want much to do with the cake.


That didn’t stop Noah!!

Since Noah was enjoying it so much, Roberta and I even snuck him some chocolate cake.